I woke up this morning feeling a little down. A few days ago I woke up angry, like "here we go with this BS and these bammas--again." I didn't even feel like thanking God for waking me. Just knowing in advance what I would see when I checked my book stats, FB, Twitter, and that stupid leaky rear tire blew me. Yeah even I get depressed. Hold the meds though, cause just like with anything else, that can change with the right food, smell, or song. I'll just carry on. Eventually I felt worse cause I wasn't grateful to be here. But the truth is I just kept thinking about everything at once, and family, and how some of mine are the damn pits. I ain't lying, some of these bammas are downright hateful, some annoying, some energy drains, and the way they talk about everything and everybody blows my mind. I had to pray and ask "Lawd! How am I supposed to make it? I want a new family. But since I'm not getting one, I'll just be a hermit."
It occurred to me that I am without a BFF. I've had them before, but the last F came too soon for them, and I'm still here. Now before you get all emotional like I just discounted you, think about the person you know you'll call when you're planning a trip--your designated roommate. Think about who you'll call if you wanna go on a caper, or if you have a dirty secret everybody else would gasp about, or who you'll call about some impressive fashion sighting, who knows your family and accepts you anyway, and the person who's known and accepted you since before you knew who you were--when you were young and impulsive and smart out the mouth (oh that was me). Your BFF may be your sister, mother, brother, or cousin--they're made sorta like you so they may relate to you like nobody else can. I'm just saying I have some missing links now, and I'm having trouble adjusting with what's left. The cousinship is still here but we're all grieving on different pages from day to day. Some of us are way down while others can get up some days. I mean we took back-to-back hits. This thing is tough.
Well, I woke up sad, but just as I was about to leave home, Kyle distracted me with a puddle of mustard in front of the open refrigerator door. I closed it and left, but when I got back to change my shoes (the cap on the heel of my boot came off), I noticed the last can of my favorite biscuits is missing, but I have to wait until he gets off work to ask what he did with that. I tried using super glue on my boot, but most of it oozed out the crack in the side of the tube and got all on my fingers. Flats it is. I dropped my truck off for service, and came to work. The sun came out on the way, and I finally noticed how warm it is today. Beautiful actually. I almost missed it in my mental fog.
Today I remind myself (and you if you're still with me) that it's okay to be, to feel, to tell God what's on your mind, to talk it through honestly with Him because that's how you get real understanding, and eventually peace. My aunt told me years ago that prayer is like an intimate conversation, and should be based on what's happening with you right then. What you want, how you feel, whether you're trying to make a decision, whatever--talk to your Father like a best friend. See there, I do still have one BFF. Never would've occurred to me if I wasn't writing to you right now. Thanks for listening.
From the Mind of:
Tonya D. Floyd
Tags:
anger, depression, distraction, emotion, faith, family, friend, grief, loss, prayer, relationship, sadness
Posted at: 12:48 PM | Add Comment