Morning! I went to bed on a high last night, but woke up not feeling so hot. Not sick, not even tired, I just feel unlike my normal, dynamic self. Aside from the fact that I sweated my hair out before I left my home today, and aside from the fact that it's kinda blue-gray out, I'm just okay. I'm rockin a red sweater, so that helps a little. But at 10:25 I haven't gotten it together yet.
Anyway, I was excited because I made some decisions. In 2012 I will release four more books, beginning next month, with Timeless Thoughts & Words of Wisdom From the Mind of Tonya D. Floyd. This was to be a 3-volume set, but I condensed it to just two--It's All Relative, and I'm Just Sayin,.... The first focuses on all that is family, and maybe some friend stuff; the second is just me being me. All kinds of ridiculousness I wouldn't or couldn't put on FB or get somebody else to sign off on will be in there. Uncensored, unencumbered, and totally my own, not to be confused with filth though. I just let it all go because I'm the publisher; it's TDF...
[More]
I woke up early this morning to Donnie Simpson's status about his two-year anniversary off the radio. It was a real eye-opener. He talked about the joys of his former position, bringing new music to the airwaves, and exposing his listeners to all types of music because of his love for music. He talked about the freedom to choose and do, and it struck a chord with me because he contrasted his last year on the radio with the rest of his six decades, describing the agony of doing what others tried to direct, control, and suppress. It changed everything, so he left. He went on to say that he probably wouldn't return because it doesn't appear to be fun anymore.
Wow! I can totally relate! I can apply for 17 jobs a week, and may even get an interview or three, but I'm just not interested in just being, or just doing, or being directed to do anything somebody else's way. Their bottom line isn't mine, and their goals don't increase my happiness in life. All I see lately is the powers that be trying to take from me and mine anyway. I see you shaking your head, because...
[More]
Okay, all jokes aside, I'm not into patience. But apparently God has a sense of humor and demands that I learn it despite myself. Yeah, yeah the scriptures are swirling around in my head and stuff but that doesn't change a thing right this minute. I just wanna pay my bills on time, feed my kids, go out and play sometimes, take a trip, and normal grownup stuff like working folks should, by myself. I'm about $5000 from all the above. I have a plan, but how it works is I've done all I can do today--and that burns my ass. Cause now it's on somebody else--somebody at the mortgage company who doesn't care about me or my kids and won't rush to adjust my numbers a little bit, somebody at the tax office who has to crunch my numbers and get back with me, some hiring official, and some customer who hasn't placed an order yet.
Y'all know I hate every piece of that, right? See, if I had patience, I would take the scriptures and let them marinate while I listen to the guy across from me scrape that BOWL WITH HIS FORK and it wouldn't bother me...
[More]
I've been up since before 5am when somebody peed on me. He's resting comfortably of course. But it's fine; I usually don't get much alone time these days, so I steal what I can in patches. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future, and I'm keeping track of the ridiculousness in my dreams because it makes for good fiction reading. Yes, I get book content while I sleep. Is that brilliance, or a sign of a disturbed individual? Whatever.
So anyway, I've been thinking about my future, and trying my best to formulate a good plan for it. Ever since my cousins died, I've had this overwhelming need to add quality to my life. A lifetime these days only goes for 24-41 years if recent history tells the story. So I'm determined not to waste time on frivolous things like a dead-end job that irritates me daily. No, really, it just got dumber. I'm so sick of being regarded as some clerical. I've heard about the dumb stuff that just comes with the job, and I know about the folks in power who look at my black face and think all I can do is get training...
So I had the day off yesterday, but not really since Kyle was with me. I don't know how Sylvia does it; that dude does way too much for me. Yeah, I know; he's mine and stuff, but I'd never volunteer to be a stay-home and watch kids mom. Negative on that. Anyway, I was struggling with some goals, debts, a dream and tight deadlines recently, and I almost got ahead of the curve--almost. I just need this one thing to happen, and I'm home free. I'm so close, I can almost touch it. But there are people in the way of my achievement. I keep saying what we always say: "what's for me is for me, and no one can take it away." I keep praying on it, and waiting for it, and trying not to get in the way. But then I got to thinking--you know how I do.
I firmly believe that when you're reaching for something tangible, like things you can see and touch and have, you must do what you know how to help the process along. Okay, if I've been training my whole life to be this woman, and I've seen and done the things...
Yes, something ultimately important has arisen. It occurred to me that we need a reminder to take care of our people. With all the sales going on, it can be so tempting to click on a link you weren't thinking about clicking, go into a store you weren't going in before the coupon came, and other crazy stuff like that. But while Starbuck's, Amazon, Walmart, Bath & Body Works, Lowe's and other big names will build another location somewhere--often, your MK consultant, Scentsy rep, OG distributor, hairstylist, babysitter, handyman, and gardener can't. These are people you know, with families, bills, and they've CHOSEN professions where they care for people and give that personal, catered to you touch.
Do y'all know how hard it is to deal with people for a living? To feed your kids and keep your home, pay your car note and such off the successes you have with people exclusively? Seriously, people are fickle and come with bad attitudes, ridiculous requests, and always want something for nothing. I'm telling you to feel bad and start treating us--yes us--with some real love. Imagine what kind of effect you'll have if you actually refer people to your people? We...
[More]
I'm about to piss some people off, but it just needs to be said. If the Son of God, Jesus Christ, Living Water, Way the Truth and the Light never celebrated one of his 33 birthdays, why do so many people go around every year yelling, "Happy birthday Jesus!" like it's just the thing to do? I mean, when you get right down to it, historical evidence shows that Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus' birth date. In fact, most holidays evolved from Pagan celebrations. Hey, the Romans liked to party, and they had their own gods. It was never about Jesus. Somebody just switched it around to look like a Christian thing to do. What, did somebody feel sorry for him because he never had a party in his honor? That wasn't what he was here for; the mission was to save lives--mission accomplished by the way. But back to my thought. Jesus never celebrated a birthday--and wasn't really into going to other people's parties because they got out of hand. You know how we always take it waaaay too far to the left with the whole "I'll do anything ridiculous I want because it's all about me" mentality. "Off with...
Okay, so I got tired of going to bed by 8pm, eating so much but not feeling full, and not having the brain function I know I'm capable of, but what really got me excited was the thought that my hair would grow even faster if I took my vitamins again. So I did. Lo and behold, I'm back. Got my mojo; yeah baby yeah! Gonna drop these books before the ball drops in NYC. I can stay up til 10 some nights, and I don't eat so much anymore. Duh, girl; your body was on fumes. Anyway, I thought about it a couple of days into the vitamin regimen and it occurred to me that since I don't drink milk, eat cheese, or favor green crunchy things, and won't allow citrus in my house because Kyle's allergic, I really wasn't getting anything that made sense to my body. Since then, my left knee stopped hurting, that cramp in my calf went away, and even though my right knee still threatens to give out on me, I must have figured it out. I'm alive.
But what I really wanted to share came to me out of the blue. I'm...
You think you've got issues? Try living with no gallbladder. I tried and tried for the last seven months, but I still can't get my body to act right. I don't even understand what kind of schedule it's on. Ever since they took out that dumb little pouch my life has been topsy turvy. Man, let me tell you. If I wait too long to eat something, fire fire fire! If I don't eat enough, fire fire fire! The only thing I used to be afraid of was milk. Now that's the least of my problems. They told me spicy or greasy foods would bother me, but they only do when I wait too long between meals. That is very unpretty. And it's not sexy. Wanna see something funny, just watch me make that mad dash if it hits me while I'm driving. Pepsi is my new co-pilot. It helps, a little.
OMG, I'm too pretty for this s#! here. Some days I just don't even go outside, cause I never know when or what the trigger will be. At least I have an assigned seat at home. No mistakes or incidents I can't handle there. I spend most of my...
I woke up this morning feeling a little down. A few days ago I woke up angry, like "here we go with this BS and these bammas--again." I didn't even feel like thanking God for waking me. Just knowing in advance what I would see when I checked my book stats, FB, Twitter, and that stupid leaky rear tire blew me. Yeah even I get depressed. Hold the meds though, cause just like with anything else, that can change with the right food, smell, or song. I'll just carry on. Eventually I felt worse cause I wasn't grateful to be here. But the truth is I just kept thinking about everything at once, and family, and how some of mine are the damn pits. I ain't lying, some of these bammas are downright hateful, some annoying, some energy drains, and the way they talk about everything and everybody blows my mind. I had to pray and ask "Lawd! How am I supposed to make it? I want a new family. But since I'm not getting one, I'll just be a hermit."
It occurred to me that I am without a BFF. I've had them before, but the last F came...
